No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
