I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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