also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
