READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
