im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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