just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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