Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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