i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
