Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
