he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
