How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I want is dick and wine.
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