Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
