im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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