Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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