Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
