the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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