spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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