last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
