I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
