got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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