We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
