Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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