yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
