My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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