Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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