I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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