she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
