How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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