the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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