omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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