it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
