put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
