why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
