just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
