I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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