I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
