Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
