If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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