like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
