Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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