This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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