In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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