That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
