i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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