I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
