Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize