Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize