the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
