guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
