I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
