Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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