He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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