This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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