Got a toothbrush?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize