One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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