Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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