the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize