Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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