Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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