i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck