my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.