i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...