I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.