Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
