he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
