never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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