Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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