We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
