It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
