Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
