You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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