I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
