I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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