then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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